Sweet Indulgences

Definition of Indulgence

the action or fact of indulging

synonyms:  satisfaction, gratification, fulfillment

a thing that is indulged in; a luxury

synonyms:  extravagances, luxury, treat, nonessential, extra, frill

I have been thinking lately about what gives joy to my life beyond family and friends. There are many things that are big and small indulgences that make life richer and fuller.  Then I think about my mother who would not allow herself anything she would consider selfish. However that was another time and I am a different person.

When my mother was turning fifty, depression set in and would not loosen its grip on her.  She was a woman who balanced a budget that gave her three children braces, piano lessons, and a college education. Yet she put off buying things that she must have desperately wanted. It wasn’t until I was a junior in high school that my parents bought new furniture for our living room and new furniture for their bedroom as well.  

My mother sewed most of her clothes, but I remember once she bought an adorable pink and white striped dress from the Shelby Department Store. They had a fashion show at the store that she took me to and she fell in love with the dress, so she bought it.  She looked beautiful in it.  Yet she felt guilty for having spent the money.

Money was always a primary concern for my mother.  I could tell when my father had a good year in his trucking business because my mother seemed less stressed. However I couldn’t buy anything as a teenager, college student, or young married woman without my mother asking, “How much did that cost?”

When my husband and I came for a visit one weekend after I had been teaching for a year I was wearing a new winter coat.  My mother was in an unhappy place and I remember her saying, “I wish I could buy a new coat.”  

I knew my mother longed for nice things, but could not bring herself to indulge in any more than she thought was necessary.  For her fifty first birthday on February 16, 1970, I gave her a quilted blue bathrobe I had sewed.  On March 6 of that same year she took her own life. I gave the robe away after she died as it made me sad. Would it have made a difference if I had bought her a new coat?

I look back and think about what I could have gotten for her once I started working.  I wish I had thought to pay for her to get her hair done once a week.  She was envious of the women who could do that, but she never would have thought she could afford such a thing.

I look at the definition of indulgence and know that an indulgence is an extravagance; yet it is also something that can give one satisfaction and fulfillment.  So where is the line between those two definitions?  Should one indulge his or herself in order to have fulfillment?  I think the answer lies somewhere in the realm of moderation.

For years I felt guilty and heard my mother’s voice asking, how much did that cost? when I wanted to purchase something just for me. Then one day I set myself free.  I decided that certain things gave me satisfaction and fulfillment and were actually good for my well being.

So what are my indulgences?  I like flowers in the house year round.  In the winter time a vase of colorful blooms on my kitchen table makes me smile.

I love to feel the tension go out of my body with a massage.  So once or twice a year I fight falling asleep while hot stones are laid on my back and my muscles get a once over.

Perusing in an antique or thrift shop gives me a great sense of pleasure. If I see something that is unusual or beautiful or draws me in, I will not hesitate to consider taking it home.

Not every one of my indulgences costs money.  Since I’ve been a kid I have loved to read and write.  In order to do that I have to be alone. Right now my husband thinks I am staying up too late watching the Oscars, but the TV is off and I am writing this.

Another indulgence is going to see how high the waves are on Lake Michigan.  I like to walk the beach after the tourists are gone and collect bits and pieces of nature that have washed up on shore.   If I have a grandchild along, it is even better.

Maybe my mother had some indulgences that I didn’t know about, but I don’t think she acted on many of her desires. I believe everyone must have, as the definition says:  some treat, nonessential, extra, frill or extravagance that is just theirs.  

Maybe it is playing golf, bird watching, going to lunch with a friend, practicing the piano into the night, photographing children on warm summer days, a good cup of coffee, or helping other people.  There is an indulgence out there for everyone, and I believe we live longer if we give into those little whims once in awhile.  

Living an austere life has never been my cup of tea. Ah….tea...a true indulgence of the English.  Sipping tea is a time to slow down -to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life- as Thoreau once said.  I really believe that all my indulgences make me a better me.  I wish my mother could have lived longer so I could have indulged her when she couldn’t do it for herself.  

The waves on Lake Michigan and granddaughter Avery-my beach buddy.